Religion

Religion has always been a curious thing for me. It amazes me that so many people put so much stock into a faith. Admittedly, I am a cynic and a realist which makes it difficult for me to accept anything that hasn’t been physically proven. Religion itself, God, Jesus, all the other folk, is pretty straight forward and all, I just don’t understand the extremes people take it to.

Take for instance a situation that took place in a little town in Florida. A while back, the whole town got together and decided to ban Satan from their town. Ban Satan! How do you do this exactly. Did they all go to the polls and vote. “Let’s see, I’ll take Johnson for mayor, Jenkins for city council and…Satan? That doesn’t sound right at all. Honey, do we want Satan here? No? I didn’t think so. Let me just check a big ol’ Jesusy no on that!”

How do you enforce this “law”? Do you put a sign up at the city limits that says “You must be at least this Christian to enter!” Which of course is faulty in itself because to be Christian, you usually believe in a heaven and a hell. And if you believe in a hell, then you probably believe in Satan. And if Satan does exist, then he has to believe in himself, ipso facto making him a Christian! Please drive through!

Could you imagine Satan’s reaction when he realized about the ban? Probably none to happy I would think. I can see him and his hoard of minions approaching the edge of the town…

“Come with me, Lords of the Underworld, as we move into this redneck town and bring our reign of terror and evil…Oh what the fuck? I’ve been banned? Who knew about this? Betty, did you know about this? I’m Lucifer for christs’ sake. I have to know when I am banned from a town. Jesus Christ, do you know how bad this looks?”

A despondent Satan quickly shifts his maneuver. “Ah, come on guys. You got me all wrong. I just wanted to talk. I’ve got some pamphlets you might want to read. Pleeeeeeaaaaaassssseeeee??? Fine, screw you. Come on, let’s go to L.A.. We’re always welcome there.”

Poor Satan. Just can’t catch a break. He’s just trying to teach his word, not unlike many of the lovely, talented and surprisingly wealthy televangelists out there!