I felt I needed to write something about my friend Shawn Clanton. Shawn was one of my Hurricane Katrina evacuee clients when I worked for Volunteers of America last year. We worked together for almost a year and became close. Shawn passed away last week from an apparent heart failure. I was deeply saddened by the loss.
Shawn was my success story. Not my success, but the success she achieved after the hurricane took everything from her. She came to me in October of 2006 looking for assistance. She was down in her life, but still smiling. She always was. She was living in Shreveport, La., far from home and friends. She didn’t know anyone in Shreveport and was finding it difficult to find a good job. When she came to me, she had gone as far as she could on her own. Her rent was due, all of her bills were late and she did not have any money left and was in a difficult spot.
I was more than happy to begin working with Shawn. She made it very easy for me to do my job. She listened and paid attention to the things she needed to do to get her life back together. She did not come to me looking for handouts. She was very prideful, but had learned that sometimes you had to swallow that pride is order to survive. But, she still wanted to do it herself as best she could.
During our time working together, after losing everything except the clothes she was wearing when she evacuated to Shreveport, Shawn made tremendous strides in her life. She found a great job with General Motors, she worked hard to manage a budget for herself and get back on top of her bills and, most amazingly, she achieved her Masters in Hospital Management. I was very, very proud of her each and every day. She told me many times how hard it had been for her and what she had to go through, but as I said, every time I saw her, she was smiling.
Through Shawn’s efforts working with me, we were able to rebuild her life. She lost her car to repossession. We got her another one. We worked to apply to FEMA for rental assistance and she received that. She had an outstanding bill of over $10,000 to a local hospital. We applied to the American Red Cross Katrina Assistance fund and we able to pay off the whole bill. Also through this fund, Shawn and I were able to furnish her entire apartment with brand new furniture from Bewley’s (our salesperson Janet was phenomenal as was the store). We even got our picture in the paper for that one!
It was very cute to see Shawn’s face every time we were able to achieve a goal for her. Just a huge smile and she was so thankful. I found myself wanting to work harder for her to help her out. That was the kind of person she was. She could inspire you.
Shawn had worked hard and had rebuilt her life. Things were going very well for her. From what I understand, Shawn, who had a heart condition, did not let her friends know that her conditioned had worsened. Typical of her, wanting to take care of things herself. Unfortunately, it got the best of her this time. I know Shawn is in a better place, a place she wanted to be. I will miss her tremendously. I just wanted to take a moment and remember for the wonderful, spirited person that she was. We love you Shawn.
Friday, February 29, 2008
Louisiana Boy
That’s right. I am a Southern boy born and raised in Louisiana. Now, before you go making any assumptions about me, just so you know, my sister is in fact my sister. She is not my cousin, or my Mom or my wife. I have never had relations with her nor do I plan on it. Although she does have the purtiest mouth I have ever seen. Wow.
Louisiana is a great place to be from, I think. It is very different than the rest of the country. One thing that we have there that I have not seen anywhere else…drive-thru liquor. That’s right, drive-thru liquor. Her name is Sheila and she hangs out on the corner. Just pull up and a dollar a lick.
Actually, almost all the liquor stores back home have windows on the side where you just drive up, order whatever alcohol you want and then drive off. Novel concept. Kind of puts a little kink in the whole drinking and driving thing. It really is a good faith showing on the part of the state to trust its residents not to partake in their beverages before they get to their destination.
And it isn’t just beer. You can get any liquor, wine, even daiquiris. Yea, frozen daiquiris. How is this not an open container you ask? Well, you see what they do is put a piece of scotch tape over the straw hole! This high tech piece of security hardware prevents you from putting your straw into that hole before you get to where you are going. The logic is flawless. Sure, you could just take the lid off and leave the tape on, but what upstanding citizen would do something so foolish?
Another lovely thing that still exist in Louisiana is the Klan. Yup, the KKK still exists there and quite proudly. They don't out too much, but every once in a while, they get all dressed up and go do their ridiculous thing.
I remember once in high school, they were protesting outside of my school. Apparently they felt the white kids were being treated unfairly. I myself am white and was confused by their concerns. They were out there chanting, "The white children are being kept down. All the benefits are going to the blacks and the jews." I didn't really know what to think because I did not feel very disadvantaged at all.
So, I thought maybe I should have a word with them. I opened a window and yelled down, "Hey, ah, Klan guys. We're fine here," by we I mean the whiteys. "Ya'll can go on home now. We're ok. Jamal, Lipschitz, come here," as I wrap my arms around my friend's shoulders. "These are my friends and we are all doing fine. We appreciate you stopping by and thinking of us, but we are ok. Thanks." I poked my head back out quickly, "Oh, and Dad, I need a ride home. NO, don't take your hood off!" He always embarrasses me.
As much as I love Louisiana, I had to get out for a little while. After college, I left and moved west to San Francisco. I know what you are thinking and no, I am not gay. I’ll tell you like I tell everyone else, I moved out there with a woman, I married that woman, she still is a woman.
Of course I live in New Jersey now, just outside of NYC, but I will always miss being in Louisiana. Sure our politics are backwards and our rules don’t relate to the rest of the country, but we are a happy people. Outsiders don’t always understand us, but that is fine. I’ve always felt that the South is almost like a different country. You really need your passport to cross the Mason-Dixon (love you Eli). Well, that is about it for now. Peace in.
Louisiana is a great place to be from, I think. It is very different than the rest of the country. One thing that we have there that I have not seen anywhere else…drive-thru liquor. That’s right, drive-thru liquor. Her name is Sheila and she hangs out on the corner. Just pull up and a dollar a lick.
Actually, almost all the liquor stores back home have windows on the side where you just drive up, order whatever alcohol you want and then drive off. Novel concept. Kind of puts a little kink in the whole drinking and driving thing. It really is a good faith showing on the part of the state to trust its residents not to partake in their beverages before they get to their destination.
And it isn’t just beer. You can get any liquor, wine, even daiquiris. Yea, frozen daiquiris. How is this not an open container you ask? Well, you see what they do is put a piece of scotch tape over the straw hole! This high tech piece of security hardware prevents you from putting your straw into that hole before you get to where you are going. The logic is flawless. Sure, you could just take the lid off and leave the tape on, but what upstanding citizen would do something so foolish?
Another lovely thing that still exist in Louisiana is the Klan. Yup, the KKK still exists there and quite proudly. They don't out too much, but every once in a while, they get all dressed up and go do their ridiculous thing.
I remember once in high school, they were protesting outside of my school. Apparently they felt the white kids were being treated unfairly. I myself am white and was confused by their concerns. They were out there chanting, "The white children are being kept down. All the benefits are going to the blacks and the jews." I didn't really know what to think because I did not feel very disadvantaged at all.
So, I thought maybe I should have a word with them. I opened a window and yelled down, "Hey, ah, Klan guys. We're fine here," by we I mean the whiteys. "Ya'll can go on home now. We're ok. Jamal, Lipschitz, come here," as I wrap my arms around my friend's shoulders. "These are my friends and we are all doing fine. We appreciate you stopping by and thinking of us, but we are ok. Thanks." I poked my head back out quickly, "Oh, and Dad, I need a ride home. NO, don't take your hood off!" He always embarrasses me.
As much as I love Louisiana, I had to get out for a little while. After college, I left and moved west to San Francisco. I know what you are thinking and no, I am not gay. I’ll tell you like I tell everyone else, I moved out there with a woman, I married that woman, she still is a woman.
Of course I live in New Jersey now, just outside of NYC, but I will always miss being in Louisiana. Sure our politics are backwards and our rules don’t relate to the rest of the country, but we are a happy people. Outsiders don’t always understand us, but that is fine. I’ve always felt that the South is almost like a different country. You really need your passport to cross the Mason-Dixon (love you Eli). Well, that is about it for now. Peace in.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
The 80's
When it came down to time to think about having kids, it was an exciting time. A new adventure in our lives. Giving names to your children is a daunting task. The pressure is intense. This is the name that they will have for the rest of their lives. You really don’t want to screw that up.
My wife was considering a more traditional route. For a girl, Catherine, and for a boy, Matthew. These are fine names. I had a little something different in mind. Something I had put a lot of thought into and had been dreaming for 20+ years.
I wanted to name our first child Breakin’. That’s right. And the second child…Breakin’ Two: Electric Boogaloo. How frickin’ awesome is that. They would be the coolest kids in school, no doubt.
Man, I loved that movie, Breakin’ Two: Electric Boogaloo. It was an endearing classic in my mind. Think about it…it was West Side Story set in 1984. Instead of fist fights between rival gangs, they had dance-offs.
It was all like, “Oh, you think you gonna shut down our rec center? Well, let me show you what I think about that,” prompting our star to bust in to a very sick break dance involving, but not limited to, the worm, a funky leg kick thing that eventually evolved into a extra-long head spin finalized by a dramatic, but defiant, back spin. “Nice one Turbo,” “Thanks Ozone.”
It was a message of powerful independence to the money grubbing corporate fat cats that were constantly trying to repress the kindred spirits of the day’s youth. A group desperately searching for an identity after a harmful disco era.
Man, the 80’s was where it was at. I argue that not since this decade has Hollywood produced such quality cinema. There is one movie in particular that really helped define a generation. And it’s star…a brilliant actor that has been callously blocked from a well deserved Oscar. I am, of course, talking about Sylvester Stallone in the epic film “Over The Top,” portraying the time-honored battle of good versus evil.
The basic premise of the movie was arm wrestling. A daring, but brilliant choice. Sure, there was an underlying theme of an estranged father trying to reconnect with his son, but constantly being interfered with by an angry grandfather, but the main thing was the arm wrestling.
There was one particular scene that explains the whole movie, if not the entire decade. The scene is set at the national arm wrestling championships in Las Vegas. They were interviewing the ahletes…excuse me, arm wrestling contestants in between their matches. Right before his next big match, Stallone’s character sits in his wife beater, his muscles bulging and sweaty, perched in front of the grand prize, which just happens to be an 18-wheeler, the chosen profession of our hero. Again, brilliant. The reporter asks him how he gets motivated for a match. He calmly, but confidently looks into the camera and says, (please imagine Mr. Stallone’s voice here) “What I do is take my hat and kind of turn it around and it’s like a switch that turns me on. It makes me feel strong…kind of like this truck.”
Simply brilliant. No other words can describe this. I get emotional just thinking about it. The 80’s is where it was at!
My wife was considering a more traditional route. For a girl, Catherine, and for a boy, Matthew. These are fine names. I had a little something different in mind. Something I had put a lot of thought into and had been dreaming for 20+ years.
I wanted to name our first child Breakin’. That’s right. And the second child…Breakin’ Two: Electric Boogaloo. How frickin’ awesome is that. They would be the coolest kids in school, no doubt.
Man, I loved that movie, Breakin’ Two: Electric Boogaloo. It was an endearing classic in my mind. Think about it…it was West Side Story set in 1984. Instead of fist fights between rival gangs, they had dance-offs.
It was all like, “Oh, you think you gonna shut down our rec center? Well, let me show you what I think about that,” prompting our star to bust in to a very sick break dance involving, but not limited to, the worm, a funky leg kick thing that eventually evolved into a extra-long head spin finalized by a dramatic, but defiant, back spin. “Nice one Turbo,” “Thanks Ozone.”
It was a message of powerful independence to the money grubbing corporate fat cats that were constantly trying to repress the kindred spirits of the day’s youth. A group desperately searching for an identity after a harmful disco era.
Man, the 80’s was where it was at. I argue that not since this decade has Hollywood produced such quality cinema. There is one movie in particular that really helped define a generation. And it’s star…a brilliant actor that has been callously blocked from a well deserved Oscar. I am, of course, talking about Sylvester Stallone in the epic film “Over The Top,” portraying the time-honored battle of good versus evil.
The basic premise of the movie was arm wrestling. A daring, but brilliant choice. Sure, there was an underlying theme of an estranged father trying to reconnect with his son, but constantly being interfered with by an angry grandfather, but the main thing was the arm wrestling.
There was one particular scene that explains the whole movie, if not the entire decade. The scene is set at the national arm wrestling championships in Las Vegas. They were interviewing the ahletes…excuse me, arm wrestling contestants in between their matches. Right before his next big match, Stallone’s character sits in his wife beater, his muscles bulging and sweaty, perched in front of the grand prize, which just happens to be an 18-wheeler, the chosen profession of our hero. Again, brilliant. The reporter asks him how he gets motivated for a match. He calmly, but confidently looks into the camera and says, (please imagine Mr. Stallone’s voice here) “What I do is take my hat and kind of turn it around and it’s like a switch that turns me on. It makes me feel strong…kind of like this truck.”
Simply brilliant. No other words can describe this. I get emotional just thinking about it. The 80’s is where it was at!
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Religion
Religion has always been a curious thing for me. It amazes me that so many people put so much stock into a faith. Admittedly, I am a cynic and a realist which makes it difficult for me to accept anything that hasn’t been physically proven. Religion itself, God, Jesus, all the other folk, is pretty straight forward and all, I just don’t understand the extremes people take it to.
Take for instance a situation that took place in a little town in Florida. A while back, the whole town got together and decided to ban Satan from their town. Ban Satan! How do you do this exactly. Did they all go to the polls and vote. “Let’s see, I’ll take Johnson for mayor, Jenkins for city council and…Satan? That doesn’t sound right at all. Honey, do we want Satan here? No? I didn’t think so. Let me just check a big ol’ Jesusy no on that!”
How do you enforce this “law”? Do you put a sign up at the city limits that says “You must be at least this Christian to enter!” Which of course is faulty in itself because to be Christian, you usually believe in a heaven and a hell. And if you believe in a hell, then you probably believe in Satan. And if Satan does exist, then he has to believe in himself, ipso facto making him a Christian! Please drive through!
Could you imagine Satan’s reaction when he realized about the ban? Probably none to happy I would think. I can see him and his hoard of minions approaching the edge of the town…
“Come with me, Lords of the Underworld, as we move into this redneck town and bring our reign of terror and evil…Oh what the fuck? I’ve been banned? Who knew about this? Betty, did you know about this? I’m Lucifer for christs’ sake. I have to know when I am banned from a town. Jesus Christ, do you know how bad this looks?”
A despondent Satan quickly shifts his maneuver. “Ah, come on guys. You got me all wrong. I just wanted to talk. I’ve got some pamphlets you might want to read. Pleeeeeeaaaaaassssseeeee??? Fine, screw you. Come on, let’s go to L.A.. We’re always welcome there.”
Poor Satan. Just can’t catch a break. He’s just trying to teach his word, not unlike many of the lovely, talented and surprisingly wealthy televangelists out there!
Take for instance a situation that took place in a little town in Florida. A while back, the whole town got together and decided to ban Satan from their town. Ban Satan! How do you do this exactly. Did they all go to the polls and vote. “Let’s see, I’ll take Johnson for mayor, Jenkins for city council and…Satan? That doesn’t sound right at all. Honey, do we want Satan here? No? I didn’t think so. Let me just check a big ol’ Jesusy no on that!”
How do you enforce this “law”? Do you put a sign up at the city limits that says “You must be at least this Christian to enter!” Which of course is faulty in itself because to be Christian, you usually believe in a heaven and a hell. And if you believe in a hell, then you probably believe in Satan. And if Satan does exist, then he has to believe in himself, ipso facto making him a Christian! Please drive through!
Could you imagine Satan’s reaction when he realized about the ban? Probably none to happy I would think. I can see him and his hoard of minions approaching the edge of the town…
“Come with me, Lords of the Underworld, as we move into this redneck town and bring our reign of terror and evil…Oh what the fuck? I’ve been banned? Who knew about this? Betty, did you know about this? I’m Lucifer for christs’ sake. I have to know when I am banned from a town. Jesus Christ, do you know how bad this looks?”
A despondent Satan quickly shifts his maneuver. “Ah, come on guys. You got me all wrong. I just wanted to talk. I’ve got some pamphlets you might want to read. Pleeeeeeaaaaaassssseeeee??? Fine, screw you. Come on, let’s go to L.A.. We’re always welcome there.”
Poor Satan. Just can’t catch a break. He’s just trying to teach his word, not unlike many of the lovely, talented and surprisingly wealthy televangelists out there!
Thursday, February 21, 2008
The Lottery
You gotta pay attention to the Lottery, but do it without getting greedy. Get your tickets when the jackpot is low. I am, of course, speaking to the people out there whose education exceeded the 5th grade! It's when the jackpot gets high that the lottery commission goes out of their way to find the most backwards-ass, hillbilly redneck to give all that money to.
There was one a while back when the powerball jackpot was $250 million. Some mountain chick bought one ticket...on her way home from stripping and won the whole thing. This chick was a piece of work, too. She shows up to the press conference wearing glass heels, acid-washed Daisy Dukes, and a wife beater that said "Miss Behavin.'" That was bedazzled on. Couple of beads had fallen off! Not one of her teeth went in the same direction, her eye make-up would of made Picasso gush, her roots were a good foot long and she had some bangs that went straight up in near equal length.
They asked her what she was going to do with the money. She responded, "I think I might get a horse farm. I'm kind of tired of my pig farm." Wow. So, no matter how much money she has, waking up to the smell of manure is still her dream!
The best part was when the camera panned over to her stepfather! (I can only assume she will use some of the money to find her real father) This guy had the most perfect mullet I have ever seen. I mean, this thing was cherry. It looked like a Chia pet that had only been watered on one side. If his stepdaughter shares some of the money, maybe he can pay women to sleep with him instead of hitting on her all the time.
What are these people going to do with all that money. I suppose they could fix up their home a little. Get some new things like a solid gold Trans Am or a Rolls Royce up on blocks. Maybe some brand new appliances for the front yard.
I always wanted to see the follow up story on these people, to see what they actually did with all the money. Maybe take a tour of their home like on MTV's Cribs. You know the show where you get to see how the super rich live and you don't simply because they can ride a bike or rhyme. Could you imagine it?
The cameras show up and the doors swing open..."Hey, how y'all doin'? Welcome to our abode." Of course the attire has not changed since before the winning numbers were announced. Except that the stained wife-beater has been washed. "Y'all got here just in time. We just finished the construction. We put a second story on our double wide. They don't make triple wides so we had to built it up...towards Jesus," as he takes another swig off his Busch tall boy that still has the plastic six pack holder on it. "They said we should get some art for the walls so we did. This poster one here is a Monet," he pronounces phonetically, "and this one here is a, a, a Peekachoo." The tour continues..."Y'alls gots to see this in the glass case here. This is a glass figurine of the Starship Enterprise. That's nice ain't it? I had this baby on layaway before we gots rich, but it's all mine now. Y'all come into the kitchenette. You're probably wondering why we put a big screen TV in here...it's so we can watch TV while we're eating, duh! I paid the cable guy extra so we only gots 2 channels...wrastlin' and COPS. Now that's saweet! Ooh, this heres my favorite COPS...'dis the one where my wife smacks dat offiser in the face."
Now, I don't mind working hard all my life to get my millions, but I will certainly keep buying my tickets and bypass all that work crap. The thought of these jackasses with all that money and me having so little keeps me up at night. I can't have it. I speak to all of you reminding you to get out there and get your tickets now, before they give it all to Billy Ray Cyrus' family!
There was one a while back when the powerball jackpot was $250 million. Some mountain chick bought one ticket...on her way home from stripping and won the whole thing. This chick was a piece of work, too. She shows up to the press conference wearing glass heels, acid-washed Daisy Dukes, and a wife beater that said "Miss Behavin.'" That was bedazzled on. Couple of beads had fallen off! Not one of her teeth went in the same direction, her eye make-up would of made Picasso gush, her roots were a good foot long and she had some bangs that went straight up in near equal length.
They asked her what she was going to do with the money. She responded, "I think I might get a horse farm. I'm kind of tired of my pig farm." Wow. So, no matter how much money she has, waking up to the smell of manure is still her dream!
The best part was when the camera panned over to her stepfather! (I can only assume she will use some of the money to find her real father) This guy had the most perfect mullet I have ever seen. I mean, this thing was cherry. It looked like a Chia pet that had only been watered on one side. If his stepdaughter shares some of the money, maybe he can pay women to sleep with him instead of hitting on her all the time.
What are these people going to do with all that money. I suppose they could fix up their home a little. Get some new things like a solid gold Trans Am or a Rolls Royce up on blocks. Maybe some brand new appliances for the front yard.
I always wanted to see the follow up story on these people, to see what they actually did with all the money. Maybe take a tour of their home like on MTV's Cribs. You know the show where you get to see how the super rich live and you don't simply because they can ride a bike or rhyme. Could you imagine it?
The cameras show up and the doors swing open..."Hey, how y'all doin'? Welcome to our abode." Of course the attire has not changed since before the winning numbers were announced. Except that the stained wife-beater has been washed. "Y'all got here just in time. We just finished the construction. We put a second story on our double wide. They don't make triple wides so we had to built it up...towards Jesus," as he takes another swig off his Busch tall boy that still has the plastic six pack holder on it. "They said we should get some art for the walls so we did. This poster one here is a Monet," he pronounces phonetically, "and this one here is a, a, a Peekachoo." The tour continues..."Y'alls gots to see this in the glass case here. This is a glass figurine of the Starship Enterprise. That's nice ain't it? I had this baby on layaway before we gots rich, but it's all mine now. Y'all come into the kitchenette. You're probably wondering why we put a big screen TV in here...it's so we can watch TV while we're eating, duh! I paid the cable guy extra so we only gots 2 channels...wrastlin' and COPS. Now that's saweet! Ooh, this heres my favorite COPS...'dis the one where my wife smacks dat offiser in the face."
Now, I don't mind working hard all my life to get my millions, but I will certainly keep buying my tickets and bypass all that work crap. The thought of these jackasses with all that money and me having so little keeps me up at night. I can't have it. I speak to all of you reminding you to get out there and get your tickets now, before they give it all to Billy Ray Cyrus' family!
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
My Top Five and Why
Ok, you know that thing where you have a list of 5 people you are allowed to get with outside of your current partner (yea, for me that's a wife)? Well, this is mine. I have always meant to write this down, but I never do, until now. This list has changed a lot over the years and will probably continue to, but this is it for now:
1. Shakira
2. Jessica Biel
3. Charlize Theron
4. Natalie Portman
5. Reese Witherspoon
And here is why. The first two, Shakira and Jessica Biel (and women listen up), I believe this is what a woman should strive to look like in their bodies. None of this skinny, small butt crap. Be a woman and look real. These two girls are ridiculously HOT! Shakira can make her body do things that shakes my junk! Jessica Biel is beautiful and her body is simply stunning. Please don't get me wrong, I think you are beautiful the way you are. I am just saying to all the crazies out there that have built up an image in their mind as to what they need to look like...these are two great bods to aim for!
Charlize Theron is simply beautiful. Not sure I have much else to say about that.
Natalie Portman is unique I think. She has the ability to be cute and sexy. I believe this is rare. Just all around she is awesome. She is very good looking, quirky, fun, talented, all that.
And finally, Reese Witherspoon. She has been in my top five for a long time. I don't know if there is a good way to explain this one that any one will agree with. I have just always thought she was cute and probably always will.
Well, there you have it. These are the 5 women I believe I have the right to get with should the opportunity present itself. I also believe that Corie cannot argue this! Argue, critique, bitch, whine, do whatever you want with this. It's my Top 5 and I am sticking to it until one of these tricks pisses me off.
Peace in.
1. Shakira
2. Jessica Biel
3. Charlize Theron
4. Natalie Portman
5. Reese Witherspoon
And here is why. The first two, Shakira and Jessica Biel (and women listen up), I believe this is what a woman should strive to look like in their bodies. None of this skinny, small butt crap. Be a woman and look real. These two girls are ridiculously HOT! Shakira can make her body do things that shakes my junk! Jessica Biel is beautiful and her body is simply stunning. Please don't get me wrong, I think you are beautiful the way you are. I am just saying to all the crazies out there that have built up an image in their mind as to what they need to look like...these are two great bods to aim for!
Charlize Theron is simply beautiful. Not sure I have much else to say about that.
Natalie Portman is unique I think. She has the ability to be cute and sexy. I believe this is rare. Just all around she is awesome. She is very good looking, quirky, fun, talented, all that.
And finally, Reese Witherspoon. She has been in my top five for a long time. I don't know if there is a good way to explain this one that any one will agree with. I have just always thought she was cute and probably always will.
Well, there you have it. These are the 5 women I believe I have the right to get with should the opportunity present itself. I also believe that Corie cannot argue this! Argue, critique, bitch, whine, do whatever you want with this. It's my Top 5 and I am sticking to it until one of these tricks pisses me off.
Peace in.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
What Doctor's Can Do
Have you ever realized that doctor's can get as close to you as they want? Any kind of doctor. Internalist, Opthamologist, even a Psychiatrist. It doesn't matter if you are 3 years old or 93, they can get right up in your business. Touching you, rubbing against you...poking you. Any way, shape or fashion. That's pretty messed up. They can touch you any way they want and it is widely accepted by everyone. As long as they have that plastic glove on, they can poke and prod any orephus on you they want.
Doctor's touch your legs, rub your muscles, massage your head...and that is just to see the dentist. They can ask you the most personal questions and you answer them as if you have taken your own hypocratic oath to bear all to anyone in a frickin' lab coat.
You can't get away with this in any other profession.
Teachers, the molders of minds, can't get that near to you. They can't even touch you without a lawsuit. Unless they put on that rubber glove! Then it's all ok. "Timmy, can you tell me what 54 x 7 is while you turn your head and cough?" Disturbing.
It's not like you go through a toll booth and the booth operator says, "That will be $6. Let me just reach down here and get your wallet out of your pocket. Whew, you got it deep down in there."
There is no other job you can have and get away with this. Doctor's can be as sick and perverted as they want and we will never know. No one else has this ability. Except maybe used car salesmen...or priests!
Doctor's touch your legs, rub your muscles, massage your head...and that is just to see the dentist. They can ask you the most personal questions and you answer them as if you have taken your own hypocratic oath to bear all to anyone in a frickin' lab coat.
You can't get away with this in any other profession.
Teachers, the molders of minds, can't get that near to you. They can't even touch you without a lawsuit. Unless they put on that rubber glove! Then it's all ok. "Timmy, can you tell me what 54 x 7 is while you turn your head and cough?" Disturbing.
It's not like you go through a toll booth and the booth operator says, "That will be $6. Let me just reach down here and get your wallet out of your pocket. Whew, you got it deep down in there."
There is no other job you can have and get away with this. Doctor's can be as sick and perverted as they want and we will never know. No one else has this ability. Except maybe used car salesmen...or priests!
Let's Begin
For several years now I have performed as a stand-up comedian. Over the last couple of years, I have not felt the same draw to get back out there night after night to perform. Maybe it is my wanting to be with my family more, maybe I am too tired or maybe I just don't have it in me...I am not sure. Regardless, my desire to be funny and to write funny stuff is still burning inside me.
So, here we are. An outlet for my creative brain to release it's musings. I fear that if I keep them in there, senility will approach far too quickly. I also have to think of my wife's sanity. Not too worried about the kids...they are already crazy.
This blog will be for my creative output in the world of joke telling. A way to log my jokes and formulate them just in case I want to return to the mic. Also, it is a way to copywrite my material for safe keeping. I mostly just want to have a place for me to talk without being interrupted. How many jokes have been ruined for you by someone else butting in? I will be posting new material as well as old. I will try and keep it to stuff that translates well onto paper.
So enjoy. I will try and update this as much as I can. Please visit often and let me know if you think anything here is particularly funny.
So, here we are. An outlet for my creative brain to release it's musings. I fear that if I keep them in there, senility will approach far too quickly. I also have to think of my wife's sanity. Not too worried about the kids...they are already crazy.
This blog will be for my creative output in the world of joke telling. A way to log my jokes and formulate them just in case I want to return to the mic. Also, it is a way to copywrite my material for safe keeping. I mostly just want to have a place for me to talk without being interrupted. How many jokes have been ruined for you by someone else butting in? I will be posting new material as well as old. I will try and keep it to stuff that translates well onto paper.
So enjoy. I will try and update this as much as I can. Please visit often and let me know if you think anything here is particularly funny.
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