Listen to Yourself

I would ask a majority of people in this world to try something. I want you to walk around with a running tape recorder for one day. Then, go home and listen carefully to everything you said during the day. I think you will be quite surprised to learn that you are a moron.

It amazes me every day how people act and sound. And, as a people, we just let it happen. No one wants to be mean and tell these people to shut up and explain to them why they are a detriment to society, but maybe we need to. Maybe a quick face smack, along with an explanation, can make this world a better place.

I will be citing two examples of people I have come in contact with lately who encourage support of my face slapping crusade. I have changed their names to protect their identities. We will call the first one “Annoying Chick On The Bus” (AC for short) and “Dipshit Guy I Work With” (Dipshit for short).

Let’s start with Annoying Chick On The Bus. I have ridden the bus to and from work with AC several times. On most occasions, she is quiet and says nothing, but when she does talk, I want to rip my ears off and stuff them in her mouth to stop her from speaking any further. I am sure you have heard her diction before. Every sentence is a question. Ending each one in an upward inflection. Like, “I went to the store today?” Whether it be on the phone (you should know how I feel about this already) or talking to someone directly, she sounds like a total idiot. I feel embarrassed for her.

She does not strike me as the type of person to make life decisions on her own, so I assume she surrounds herself with morons that think and sound like her. Don’t do this. Try and break out of the mold and you will find yourself talking and thinking like a normal human being.

Now, on to Dipshit Guy I Work With. Dipshit is a little different than AC. This guy cannot say an entire sentence without cussing. And, when you can’t do this, everything you say sounds extremely stupid. Also, he is incapable of speaking in low tones. And he does this at work, in a professional environment, not to mention the legal department of a major corporation. He has admitted that this is his first real job outside of internships. Apparently he went to Redd Foxx’s School of Monosyllabic Speech with featured internships on a Brooklyn street corner. Sure, I could chalk his actions up to being young and dumb, but I don’t think he is going to change.

I don’t say these things to be mean to people. I truly believe they need to learn so they can be an upstanding member of society. I am not looking for a world full of robots, but of respectful people that aren’t so ignorant. It’s my utopia.