Palin or Politics

We had friends over to watch my Tigers win yet again. There was lots of drinking going on. It was Saturday and we were watching football...how do you do it? As usual, when a presidential election approaches, politics became a topic of the evening.

Anyhow, naturally as of late, the conversation turned into a bash of Sarah Palin. I am not sure there has been an easier candidate to make fun of in the history of politics. And this is saying a lot!

One of my friends was not in the mood for political yak and asked if we could please not talk politics? It dawned on me, and I mentioned aloud, "We're not talking politics, we're talking about Palin."

The Duh-Bate

I am currently watching the debate. I will, sort of, write about what I see happening...until I get tired. Here we go...

John "Awkward Pause" McCain v. Barack "Main Street" Obama

First of all, let me thank Sen. McCain for finding the time to participate..

Ok, first question. Neither one of them answered the damn thing. Why does this happen every time frickin' time a politician is asked anything? Just answer the question. At least Jim called them out on it.

Question two: I don't know. I was talking.

Question three: Who did win Ms. Congeniality in Congress Se. McCain? I guess he's a meany. It looks like things are starting to get a little testy. Rerr!

Why does the moderator have to keep telling them to talk to each other? Aren't they grown men? Guess not.

Are people really moving to Ireland to open business Mr. McCain? And please stop saying $932M in pork barrel spending...we get it.

What percent of Americans will get a tax break Sen. Obama? Please mention it again.

Did someone tell McCain to stop acting like a pussy? Cause he is definitely trying to act tough. he certainly isn't congenial tonight!

Question four: What will you have to give up as a result of the financial rescue plan?

Obama escapes early by saying we gotta wait and see. Safe answer and then attack with platform points!

Ok, I am already bored and tired. If it's weak, whatever. i don't care.

Let me summarize what I can guarantee will be said:

"Blah, blah, blah, blah."

Might Have to Call it Quits

Not sure if I can blog anymore. I just found something that makes this whole thing seem dumb and useless.

Lil' Wayne is now a blogger. Yea, super big time rap star Lil' Wayne is literate. Who knew? And now he is blogging professionally! What does that say for the rest of us that don't rhyme so well? I think we gotta call it quits. We are trying to do this to grow and show the world what we are capable of and that we are smarterer than everyone else. But, Lil' Wayne has destroyed that notion for us.

At least his blog is about sports. I guess I can keep on writing based on that. Well, thanks Lil' Wayne. Thanks for making me feel less than ordinary.

http://sports.espn.go.com/espnmag/story?id=3607474&lpos=spotlight&lid=tab2pos2

McCain's Economic Plan

I gotta give it to him. John McCain has come up with a plan that could very well save the economy and give Americans a strong boost to their financial savings.

Based on his current life experiences, if every American can follow his lead and catch the early bird special at local restaurants, it would save millions to the nation's pocketbooks. This way, you can get to bed before 7pm like our potential president knowing you have more money to buy all of those houses you want.

Unfortunately, you have to get up at 3am to pee and run the country.

Obama v. McCain: Part None

Apparently Senator McCain wants to delay Friday's Presidential debate so he can return to Washington and work on the bank bailout from the national government. Come on! Think of a better excuse than that.

How long have you been campaigning now? How many times have you been to Washington since you started campaigning? Do you really think you are "needed" in D.C.?

Hmmm, maybe you aren't needed there at all? Let's take a moment to think about that.

Just nut up and debate on Friday old man.

Pee Privacy

You walk into a men's room. You only have to go #1, so a toilet is not necessary. There are nice urinals there so that we need not bother sitting and completely removing our pants. The number of urinals varies depending on what bathroom you are in. Today, the number of urinals is three.

No one is using any of the three urinals. Which one do you choose? Which one do you choose?

You choose one of the ones on the end idiot! Don't use the middle one. It is rude. It makes it uncomfortable for the next guy that comes in and seeks the same convenience of the urinal as you.

We have all been to bars, concerts and ballgames. We can comfortably pee next to other men utilizing the dead pan, stare-straight-ahead maneuver to assert our masculinity. But, if we have the option to put a urinal's worth of spacing between us and the next full-bladder ridden patron, then we do so because it is more comfortable and natural.

So to all you freaks out there, especially the jackass that went into the bathroom before me a few minutes ago, if there is an odd number of urinals, just move to the end. It makes it easier on all of us and it is just normal. Gawd!

No Thank You Lindsay

Barack Obama said he did not want Lindsay Lohan to sponsor a fundraiser for him stating that her "party girl" past would not be helpful to his campaign. Makes sense. Lohan's "party girl" past is not getting her anywhere.

Although she appears to be a lesbian now, which is pretty cool. Gaining the gay vote from her won't help though as there are very few gays that would vote Republican anyhow. What does she have to offer? Maybe she should shut up? Yea, let's have a fundraiser that gets her to shut up. Much more fun and probably more profitable. I'll hold the money.

Foreign Policy Palin

There has been a lot of talk about Vice Presidential candidate and current Alaska Governor Sarah Palin not having enough foreign policy experience to represent the oval office. I think this is ridiculous. I am sure she has been to the continental United States plenty of times.

Off the Beach

I have returned to New York after a brief, but excellent trip to the Gulf Coast of Northern Florida. Ah yes, the panhandle of Florida...a place for people to become worse human beings. Lovely beaches though.

I was attending my best friends wedding where I was the best man. I did a superb job and gave a rousing performance during the rehearsal dinner. The part of the trip where I left my mark though was two nights before the wedding when we did a pseudo bachelor party. I was in charge of the meat. This was not a gay wedding so that doesn't mean what you think it means sicky. I cooked the steak that night. A beef tenderloin that was outstanding, if I do say so myself.

You see, I am a master griller. Maybe one of the best. I don't know for sure, but probably. I have to assume so because I am so damn good at it. Just ask anyone there. Sure the were boozed up pretty good by the time they ate and sure they aren't the smartest group of guys in the world and can be bought off easily, but they are truth tellers I tell you. Go ahead...ask 'em.

Anywho, I just thought the world should know about how great I am. I just had my first coke of the day and I am working late alone in my office, so my mind is going astray. Might be the reason for this post. Hmm?

Half Mast in Boston

The Patriot flags are flying at half mast today in the Boston area. You could practically hear the hush fall over the country as Tom Brady did not get up after being hit awkwardly during New England's season opener.

Not only did Brady's ACL injury most likely ruin the hopes of the Patriots returning to the Superbowl, but it also dashed the dreams of thousands of fantasy football teams who were banking on Brady to carry them each week. Last season was the year of the quarterback in fantasy football, making Tom Brady an early first round pick in many of the fantasy leagues. Now teams, led by off-the-field wannabes, are reeling in the aftermath of the most shocking injury since they pulled Joe Theisman's shin bone out of the turf.

I did not draft Tom Brady. I did not have the opportunity. I did, however, draft Randy Moss in one of my leagues (yea, I have more than one. I am a super wannabe). So, in my own way, I am also suffering. Tom Brady knew how to work with Moss, he knew how Moss liked to run routes and he knew how Randy liked the ball thrown to him. No one has understood Moss like that since he was with Daunte Culpepper earlier in his career. Needless to say, I will be looking for more wide receivers on the waiver wire this week.

Hopefully, for everyone that drafted Tom Brady, they had as good of luck as my buddy Walt. He was shrugging off his season since the injury took place. He took Brady as the #4 overall pick. While wallowing in what could of been, he bounced back nicely this afternoon by hitting his first hole-in-one. Congrats Walter, hope it relieves the pain.

So, sorry to all you die hard Pats fans. Hell, I am even sorry for you band wagon New England fans. Shit does in fact happen and it definitely has in Foxboro. But, when you look at the big picture, the only thing that really matters is that the Saints won.

Speech vs. Speech

I don't claim to be heavy into politics nor do I necessarily lean towards Democrats or Republicans. I did, however, watch both Barack Obama's and John McCain's speeches at their respective conventions. I will give my uneducated, ill-informed yet unbiased opinions of each...

Boring!

My reasons why are pretty simple. They were boring. I did feel a little more inspired by Obama's words, but not much. And McCain just sounds like a nerd. Politics in general always feels like a bunch of empty promises. The same things are repeated time and again, election after election. Their advantages to saying these things are that after four years, most people won't remember what they promised. So, I guess, why not say what ever you feel like.

I have been racking my brain trying to make this funny, but I can't. The speeches were boring, full of propaganda designed to attract votes. Just once, make me believe you are gonna change the world. Don't give me a tax break on a car I don't want (do they not realize how much hybrids cost???). Don't speculate on spending money that is not yours. Don't try and wow me by saving me a few bucks a year. Just make me believe.

I get annoyed that I cannot remember a President that did not come from a privileged upbringing. How are these people supposed to relate to the common man. The ones they should be calling their base. They cannot. Just like a man can never know the pain of child birth or a kid from the suburbs can't see what a kid from Afghanistan sees everyday. While Obama prances around with his Harvard degree and McCain can't figure out which key goes to which house, there are people out there that can't take their kids to school because they cannot put gas in the car. Figure out who your base is, who really matters and do something for them.

Make a frickin' difference or get off the pot.

Gustav the Bitch

I am happy and thankful today that Hurricane Gustav turned out to be little more than a strong storm. Bearing the name of prior Swedish kings, Gustav bore as much potency as its neutral forefathers.

Sure, we lost some trees, rooftops and windows, but nothing near what Katrina did to us all. As a Louisianian, I am very glad of the results.

I know it is early in the hurricane season and we are not out of the woods yet, but I feel very confident for New Orleans. I don't think we will see the likes of Katrina again for a while. At least not in the manner in which we did experience that bitch. We will get the levees fortified and my future home will survive all tests. Plain and simple.

I am not going to threaten future hurricanes and say we are ready for the worst, but I feel good. I feel happy. I feel like something is looking down upon us all and reminding us all that we are strong, we will survive and we will become even greater.

It does appear we have a few more brewing out in the Atlantic. Hanna should turn North and maybe hit land in the Carolinas. Next is Ike. He is headed towards Florida before entering the Gulf. Again, I feel good. Ike liked to beat women, but was never manly enough to take on a whole town. As for the rest, we will see!