The Last Stall

Ah the last stall in the bathroom. The last bastion of urban, commercial privacy. Even the pungent musk of an open air debris yard seems tolerable. A place where a man can be alone with his thoughts, his email, his game on his phone...giving way to a new definition of Blackberry.
Why am I so attracted to the last stall? Admittedly, I get excited on my potty break when I enter the lavatory and see it's door laying open oh so gently as if to welcome me home. I know there is no true privacy in a public bathroom, but there is something about the far toilet that gives you a since of solidarity. It is a place where a man is only identifiable by the shoes he is wearing.

Other than the door being closed, no one really knows for sure if you are in there. An embarrasing door check provides the only true answer followed by an awkward "Occupado." Patrons come and go, risking their own humility by breaking wind at the urinals or making noises that should be saved for deucing at home, taking a chance that they too are alone.

There is just something about that last stall that makes me feel secure and confident. It lends itself to brilliant ideas such as this one. I realize this is not my first post regarding the bathroom, but when you spend as much time there as I do...

And flush.

Pee Privacy

You walk into a men's room. You only have to go #1, so a toilet is not necessary. There are nice urinals there so that we need not bother sitting and completely removing our pants. The number of urinals varies depending on what bathroom you are in. Today, the number of urinals is three.

No one is using any of the three urinals. Which one do you choose? Which one do you choose?

You choose one of the ones on the end idiot! Don't use the middle one. It is rude. It makes it uncomfortable for the next guy that comes in and seeks the same convenience of the urinal as you.

We have all been to bars, concerts and ballgames. We can comfortably pee next to other men utilizing the dead pan, stare-straight-ahead maneuver to assert our masculinity. But, if we have the option to put a urinal's worth of spacing between us and the next full-bladder ridden patron, then we do so because it is more comfortable and natural.

So to all you freaks out there, especially the jackass that went into the bathroom before me a few minutes ago, if there is an odd number of urinals, just move to the end. It makes it easier on all of us and it is just normal. Gawd!